On this lovely day of valentines I just wanted to share a snippet of ‘self love’ with you. It’s around the theme of ‘leaping afraid’ as I’ve just been reminded of by a beautiful friend.
So a few weeks ago I was invited to go up on stage and sing, it was only karaoke so there was no having to think of being scared as far as remembering words etc... For many reasons singing in front of people ‘was’ in fact my biggest fear. Yeh sure there have been many small intimate jamming sessions, to 'get over' that conditioning, but singing on stage...Yikes!!!
I hadn’t been feeling so great that day leading up to it and had decided I wouldn’t be doing the singing. So after siesta rather than getting dressed up and putting a bit of makeup on to go for dinner, I quickly put a little loose dress on, ran my fingers through my wild hair, sprayed on my favourite scent, and went through to the buffet with full intentions of just sneaking straight back to the apartment afterwards. However something pulled me in another direction, and I found myself wandering through to the entertainment room. I then found myself choosing a song to sing. For a moment or two I nearly didn’t do it, when I suddenly realise I had no underwear on, and there were great big stage lights that may well shine through and highlight this fact, and I’m definitely no exhibitionist! Then a voice said who cares, just do it anyway, what’s the worst that can happen? Well I have to say many answers came forth at this point, which I won’t go into, suffice to say ‘that voice does go on’ but at least it has a good sense of humour! 🙄
Anyways...I did get up on stage, sweaty palms, racing heart, vision distorted. A woman saying in hushed tones ‘really an Adele song, God that’s gonna be hard, wonder if she’ll pull that one off?’ Then I sang, thereafter I shook for about 2 mins. WHEN it finally hit me what I'd just done ~ I felt absolutely great with a shiny big smile that lit up my night. Did I do a perfect performance, no I sang in tune, my timing was good and I liked the sound of my voice too. If I was to really critic it I dare say certainly there were improvements that could be made, and there most definitely will be at my next performance. Because of my love of music and myself, of course I want to do my best possible 'personal best."
This was a fine example of "Perfect Imperfection."
After that I decided to do what I call the’ triple whammy.’ So I sent the video, in which the visuals were terrible, you could barely see me blah blah blah etc etc..to the most critical person I’ve ever come across in my life, and in doing so I opened myself up to a plethora of judgement, as his energy had been stuck in me for a long time. But guess what ‘frankly my fear I don’t give a fuck!’ As I thought to myself if that person had any sort of love for himself or others, criticism would be the last thing on his mind!
Things are not alway what they seem my lovelies. 😉
Have a wonderful day beautiful souls.