Things are changing...On Saturday whilst sat on the freezing cold pavement across from Stewart who is homeless, having our chat, three people stopped and wished him well and put money in his cup. This is so unusual these days from what I've seen, and from what I've heard some people's thoughts are being heavily influenced by media reports on these issues, which are often propelled by propaganda. Stewart's face lit up as he thanked everyone for their kind gestures and words ~ the love was palpable. As we continued to chat he told me that he was going to see a house on Tuesday. I was so incredibly happy for him I could have burst wide open with joy, as I saw his eyes light up and felt that his feelings of hope had been restored. I heard a strength in his voice that he really believed his life would get better. So heartwarming again to know that prayers do work and shifts are happening, and collective awareness and prayers are even more powerful. These are the very special moments in life...
I thought about Stewart many times over the days and especially yesterday, when he was going to see his new home... I had a great big smile on my face as I imagined him walking into a warm house, standing under a warm shower washing all the dirt and dried in blood off his sores and the urine etc off his body and clothes down the drain. I felt a lot of comfort in knowing he would feel warm, safer, comfortable and his welfare was being taken seriously. As I looked into his sparkly eyes I had the feeling Stewart was really going to make it.
If I concentrated on all the years of trauma, and then when I was really ill and isolated, or all the hurtful comments and sets of circumstances I'd feel really depressed. If I focus on all the miraculous things that have come out of this trauma and illness, the people I've met, the things I've discovered and learned, the creativity that has flourished, the things I've seen, the way my son's have coped and how proud I am that they’ve developed into happy, successful, wonderful young men then what I see right now is lots of positives.
Focusing on all the great things you'd hardly know I'd been ill at all. I now know without a shadow of a doubt that M.E has in fact never been a curse it was indeed a blessing.
If you are a mum or dad with young ones and have M.E you can feel incredibly guilty at times. I know for me especially when I became a single mum it was unbelievably hard at times. If your children are still young and you are struggling with all those feelings, I hope that these comments from my grown up sons, who were 2, 5 & 7 when I first got this can give you some peace of mind and heartfelt reassurance.
All three of them certainly had their own sets of challenges to deal with too, but those happy young boys have overcome many obstacles and become wonderful young men. I'm very proud to see them now as happy adults that are increasingly becoming more and more successful in all areas of life.
"How did me having M.E affect you?"
"Mum when you were really ill we still always knew you were doing your best, even when you couldn't do anything with us you always gave us your attention. I felt worried, and sometimes didn't want to go to school, it was hard at times seeing you so terribly ill, but mum I felt it made us stronger than the other kids, more mature to have dealt with all of that, we learned things we may not have if we hadn't gone through that. We always knew you loved us and that's what matters most, you always explained things. Every time you were feeling better you did loads with us, much more than other mums who were well even did. What you have done is amazing.
"Do you feel you missed out on anything?"
There was certainly a mammoth amount to deal with without the support we could have had as a family going through what we we went through. Maybe their answer to that question will change through time as they grow themselves. And maybe there will be a third answer too.
I looked through all the "Special moments" photographs of our lives together as a family. I realised I have around 10,000 of them! I had only ever seen my mum with two photos of me as a child ~ so I thought I'd just turn it all around.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls...
The most massive characters are seared with scars"
I’d love to hear about any of your special moments you’d like to share?