This post has been prompted by a subject that most people find hard to talk about. Especially the men I've listened to and supported, through these often what can feel like soul destroying, mind boggling and heart wrenchingly difficult times. I decided to put this post up as a back up support to help with things that have been talked about one to one already, as I know it can be very hard to take in and process at first and can take time to fully comprehend. If you don’t get the right support and heal from this then it can affect other relationships and generations.
Women can find online support at www.womensaid.org.uk.
Men can find online support at www.mankind.org.uk
Domestic abuse whether it be physical or psychological is now finally considered a criminal act and the persecutor can get prosecuted. Click here for the latest information about the action the government is taking.
This includes the more damaging insidious acts of psychological abuse. When this happens it can be very difficult for a person to work it out in their mind, because the manipulator/abuser is usually very cunning about how they employ their tactics. They use bullying tactics and manipulation to cover up what they have done by tapping into the reward centre of the persons brain, with whatever they know will appeal to their victim whether that be sex, material items or whatever false act of niceness that will get their victim to give in to their selfish demands. They can often use loving displays or acts of grief to get their own way or even manipulate the couples children to do the same. Sociopaths, psychopaths and bullies are not always people who use extreme physical violence to get what they want. They also use cunning bullying and manipulative tactics to make the person feel bad so that they can feel more powerful.
Their false charm can draw the most intelligent people in, from all walks of life and they specifically target loving, kind, patient and forgiving people. They can make you and others believe it is you that has the problem as they wash over their narcissistic behaviour with lies and ego based false confidence and 'God complex' behaviours. They sometimes use the ‘poor me’ scenario to get away with it with the friends and family that support you, and convince them that it is them and not you that needs the support. I've even known people to become very ill as those bullies can often project not just emotional but physical symptoms onto the unwitting other, so that the energy attaches onto their psyche and they becomes so confused that they start believing the emotional problems are theirs which can cause physical health problems too. This is especially difficult for empathic people to deal with, when they are in a situation unprotected with these types of energy vampires, they can really become overwhelmed by all the projection and transference sent their way.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.
The government has however brought in new legislation that is supposed to help protect people.
What constitutes abusive behaviour?
The new legislation says abusive behaviour is...
Behaviour that is violent, threatening or intimidating.
Behaviour whose purpose is one of the following:
Making a partner dependent or subordinate
Isolating a partner from friends, relatives or other sources of support
Controlling, regulating or monitoring a partner's day-to-day activities
Depriving a partner of, or restricting, freedom of action
Frightening, humiliating, degrading or punishing a partner
Also other things to look out for. Being aggressive or covertly aggressive to get their own way. Sometimes faking illness or accidents to get pity. The need to always “win.” They won’t take “no” for an answer, and if you try to resist, they wear you down until you give up. Lies that portray them in the best light, no matter what the situation or their real part in it. Blaming others for their own hurtful actions. Laying on guilt trips in order to make you feel bad.
The offence can become even more serious if any of the behaviour is directed at a child, involves children by coercion or is witnessed by them. Please click on this link for support if there are children involved.
This bill is really good progress for sure, it's good that the problem is being highlighted and taken extremely seriously which it should be. The problem is dear ones that even with this new law I think it will still be very difficult to prove psychological abuse as there is normally not the type of evidence the law requires to prosecute. But it is a start and they are introducing a therapy situation for all concerned which hopefully may help too. They are training police officers in these matters. The other way the law will be able to do something is through witnesses, so if you are going through this make sure you ask those witnesses to speak up beautiful souls.
For anyone who is reading this and hasn't spoken to me. Know that I have been there and understand, please come talk to me if you need to either by appointment or there is also a private chat facility available on this blog. Please never think you are alone with this, it happens to people from all different walks of society. For it to be healed and the stigma dissolved it needs to be talked about and brought into the light. People who have been abused in any way should not have to be silent and carry the shame for their perpetrators!
Information about how to support and protect children from abuse can be found here. The NSPCC reported that 90% of children are sexually abused by someone they know, so it’s crucial to help protect your children or grandchildren or other family members from sexual abuse, by also helping them protect themselves information can be found here... This is called the 'pants rule' and can be found by clicking on this link.
If justice isn't done through the laws that humans have made, watch this video and take comfort in the fact that the universe has your back. Please Know that YOU CAN recover from this.