I remember when the medical establishment first told me I had M.E. The only treatments available in 1999 was drugs with many side affects, a lot of stigma with even more side affects, and a visit to a psychologist. I took the drugs for a while, cried, screamed inwardly and continually tried to rebalance my system to deal with all the stigma and profound life changes. I went to see the psychologist once, I went to see a counsellor once, both were not in any way suitable for me. That was the beginning of me learning to trust my instincts. As far as benefits went I was told by a welfare rights officer after a second relapse that unless I made out I had a mental health condition I wouldn't get them. I refused to do this as I knew that what I had was not a mental health condition, I wasn't in denial, I just knew the truth, and I wasn't going to distort the truth or lie so that I could fit in with the rules of a system. That left me and my family without what we were entitled to in many ways for seven years. I did eventually speak to "the right person" who was appalled, awake, extremely clued up and passionate about helping people. I eventually got the financial support to help with my me and my family's health and welfare. Claiming government assistance never ever came easy for me as I had always worked extremely hard for money, often doing three jobs to make ends meet. It took me a long time to be able to come to terms with various stigmas, attitudes and behaviours concerning that. Until I had to finally get it into my head the fact that I had worked really hard when I was well, and actually paid quite a lot of money into this service that I was claiming from.
When you are very ill you can feel extremely vulnerable, and sometimes like a small child who needs love, warmth, support and protection. It breaks my heart when I still hear of so many stories of vulnerable people being treated so badly within these systems, as I know first hand what a devastating effect that can have on an person's wellbeing and their family who are often already in a fragile position.
I have already said in other posts that I ended up with a severe anxiety disorder which was diagnosed by my consultant of cardiovascular and inflammatory disease that I was referred to for a couple of years, towards the end. She is a professor that ran a double blind placebo trial I participated in. The anxiety was diagnosed 12 years into having M.E. Thereafter when I was studying for my E.F.T I realised while we were studying various mental health conditions, and what to look out for within the scope of that, that I'd previously at some points throughout my life had post traumatic stress disorder, although this was never diagnosed by a doctor. I just merely recognised I had had some of the symptoms, although I wouldn't say they were in any way severe. I have never been delusional or had any form of psychosis. Also although I had the symptoms at times, like flashbacks of the violence, abuse and trauma, which could bring on physiological symptoms, PTSD in itself did not stop me from living my life, I felt the fear and did it anyway.
I remember vividly the horrible gut wrenching, sickening feeling I got one day when I met and heard the story of a beautiful spiritual woman who was permanently wheelchair bound had lost all feeling in her arms, hands and fingers, legs and feet, needed 24 hour care due to having been given a lobotomy as a treatment for her M.E.
I would like to share with you that my M.E and many other people's M.E did not start as a mental health condition. I got anxiety as a result of lack of support, and then hormonal issues, PTSD again was triggered by a lack of support and trauma.
People recover from trauma when given the right support. When they continually don't receive support they often shut down and disconnect, they can go within themselves, and can be harder to reach. When this continues time after time, some can eventually just push the support away, as the lack of it can end up looking just like the trauma they were trying to recover from in the first place.
I'm so glad that my instincts told me initially that the psychologist, various consultants, and the counsellor wasn't right for me. As what did happen was that I finally ended up with the right support, eventually which resulted in me rewiring my brain so that my IQ went up from 126 to 165 within a decade. It's not something I really talk about, but actually it's very important in the grand scale of things to mention that, as I had profound cognitive difficulties, especially after the second big relapse. My intelligence had been smashed out of me and as my brain rewired I felt like I was constantly having operations. I hope this offers some reassurance of how much things can change for the better and offers hope to those of you who are still be bed bound and may still have cognitive difficulties.
Anyway I'd like to finish with a tribute of absolute adoration, complete faith and deep gratitude to my Angels and Spirit guides for their love and support. It took me long enough to trust them, but I got there in the end. Often at times they were my only real companions in this human life journey, the ones who really understood. That’s when I realised the difference between a 3D logical state of being and true spiritual reality, the difference between talking about love, seeing it, feeling it, and actually embodying it.
My nostalgic smile beams from the core of my being, as no matter what bullshit is going on around us we have the loving presence and support of the greatest love ever, when we reach out and connect with our Angels and Spirit guides. They are always there all we need to do is ask them to help. Throughout all those scenarios when they spoke through me to help others, the occasions when people just didn't 'get me' or them at first, maybe some never will, the times where they spoke to me through others. Then the times where I really had to hold on to my hat, as the tornadoes in the lack of understanding world, would have people declare my spirituality as madness. I was so blessed, for in those darkest moments when many tried to tear me down with their self doubt etc... the Angels lit up my life with their presence, and transported me to an inner sanctuary that was polar opposite from doubt, and the human madness that can be around.
Wonderful news on the human support side of things too lovely people. World Health hero's who I am area coordinator with is launching their clinic services in May. We've been getting together, doing videos, presentations and many other exciting things to gear up to being able to help as many people as possible, who otherwise couldn't afford our services. Please reach out if you need our support...There are lots of fab things in progress even for those of you beautiful souls who are bed bound and can't leave the house. Take heart because you will be supported in any way we can! 💕
Big hugs have an amazing day!