Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually say sorry or deserve your forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.
Forgiveness does not erase the past but enlarges the future. Forgiveness is the gift of freedom we give to ourselves. As when we become bitter through holding on to anger or resentment we are actually keeping ourselves imprisoned, it's like a poison to our psyche and can be extremely self destructive for body, mind and soul. We often think we have forgiven but can be holding on to things subconsciously. This can resurface and leak out every so often through thoughts, words, actions or behaviours.
When someone has harmed you it is of course perfectly understandable to be hurt, become angry, and even confused. People can lash out for all different reasons, maybe they themselves have been hurt and they are projecting that on to you, maybe they are having a bad day and taking it out on you, maybe you have unwittingly hurt them in the past, or not as the case may be, perhaps you remind them of someone who has previously hurt them.
Some people might be gracious and humble enough to say sorry immediately and forgiveness can be instantaneous. Other times things can run deeper, a sorry can take longer, when it comes you might begin to feel it ease the pain, soften the heart, they can give you some sort of explanation for their behaviour, which can go a long way to assisting the process and repairing the damage. It takes a strong person to say sorry, but an even stronger one to forgive.
Unfortunately a lot of people don't like to admit it when they are in the wrong, maybe they don't believe they are in the wrong. Often when people lash out it can come from the unconscious mind and it can shock them as much as it shocks you. Some people don't like to look at that, and they will brush it off and possibly even deny that they have said and done something as it is too painful to admit, or difficult or confusing for them to take onboard. Pride and ego tell them that it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't done this or that. Then of course the more toxic forms of energies that never have any remorse whatsoever, and with some it may be that they never will have.
Remembering the quote that goes something like this “Forgiveness is the scent the trampled flower casts upon the heel that crushed it.”
So how do we become that flower? Where do we go with it all? How do we heal the wounds? How do we move on?
Acknowledging that the situation, whatever it may have been has been synchronised within our journey for a reason. If there is some sort of strong emotions lingering to what they have said or done then it’s possible that we may need to look internally in order to become aware of why thus is. I believe this is part of the process we have to go through to heal these wounds. This does not mean we are to blame, just that we are willing and open to enquiring into our unconscious mind and maybe unearthing things, that will help us develop ~ Questions may come up, maybe things like. Do we need to adjust our boundaries? Do we need to speak up more? Is there any evidence of truth to what the person is calling us, saying about us etc... Do we need to speak our truth more? Is there anything from our past that we may need to say sorry for, to ourselves, others? Is the way we are feeling really about the other person? Do we need to be more compassionate? Do we need to accept that not everyone is as compassionate as we are? Do we need to trust our instincts more? Does this person have different core values from me? Is this relationship right for me? Or just simply what can I learn from this? These are just examples, as always it’s an individual thing. It is a practice of observation and awareness rather than one of judging.
We might end up thinking 'well that has more to do with them than me.' And yes often it can be, that you have triggered them in some way, maybe consciously because of the work you do ~ or maybe subconsciously because you have something to look at also.
Can you walk away and feel absolutely 100% sure that you have just been in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person who just so happens to be in the wrong mood? Is one person right and one person wrong? Is it your heart or your head talking?
Have they just taught you a profound lesson about humanity, yourself, the universe, have you taught them?
We all have our own experiences, morals, core values. We can't control other peoples attitudes and behaviour but we can chose how we respond. Whatever the truth is we all have our 'own truth' based on our experiences and perceptions. So that means in the end we always have to look inwards. We cannot force an apology out of someone, as much as we'd sometimes like to. And actually when we understand how Karma works (what goes around comes around) then we know we don't really have to do anything more than to listen to our heart and soul ~ keeping ourselves on the right path with our own lives. 💜 There are learning opportunities within each and every interaction, every single time. They may not be fully related to this life, but may be part of karmic contracts to become aware of, in order to sort things out from past lives.
So once we know all that deep down, then we realise that nothing should be brushed under the carpet as a one sided thing, we are all connected, each and every one of us. The question is do we want to keep falling into a lower vibration of continually bashing the living daylights out of the "you did this and you did that's" in our head. Do we really want to give them the satisfaction that we have become bitter? That we are imprisoned in a situation that will do us absolutely no good whatsoever.
Forgiveness does not mean staying within a toxic situation, forgiveness does not mean you ever even need to see the person again. If it doesn't resonate with your heart and soul, you’ve done the best you can and know it isn't for your highest good, then there may be those relationships where self preservation means you sometimes just have to walk away permanently, as loving ourselves is optimal.
"I forgive all those people who have hurt me in the past, and I forgive myself for any hurtful thoughts I may have had, whether they have been conscious or subconscious, and any words, actions or situations that I may have engaged in as a result of these thoughts. I choose to free myself up from any energies that no longer serve me for my highest good."
"Getting better not bitter is the alchemy that embalms the wounds of the broken heart. Deep Transformative healing comes from the awareness, and when needed atonement from the lessons we have learned. When we ‘become’ a vibration of this higher frequency with the knowing and peace that comes as a result of embodying unconditional love for ourselves, then forgiveness radiates from within ~ outwards."